Why I Observe Lent

I am not a Christian. I don't pretend to be one and I don't think I can try to ever be one. There are various reasons in my life that I will not discuss why I cannot walk into a church to this day without breaking out in hives. However, there are many people on my life who are, and some of them are Catholic or Orthodox Christian. I use to watch them torture themselves this time of year when they gave up something that they truly thought they could not live without, and I thought to myself, "Hey, how hard could this be?"

One year, they really wanted me to stop smoking completely. I wanted to as well, even though I could not see myself doing so without absolutely having to. I was not addicted to smoking as much as I just loved the taste of my clove cigarettes. So, they asked me if for lent that I would honor their request and give them up for lent. I was like "Sure why not? 40 days? I can go forty days without them!" and made the promise that I would not smoke them. I handed over the last of the pack I had on me and began the downward spiral known as "withdrawl".

The first couple of days were fine. I wanted one, but thought "Eh, it has only been three or four days, I am good." Then, I hit that wall. Those of you who gave up something for lent know what wall I am talking about. About two weeks in, I had a really stressful day at work and wanted nothing more than to light up and inhale that sweet sweet nicotine. I cried, swore, and begged one of the girls I worked with to just give me a cigarette, any cigarette. I just wanted the feeling of calm. She refused. I eventually got over the feeling that night, and I drove home still upset at myself I threw such a fit and was a baby about it.

On the fortieth day, my friends told me they wanted me to write an essay about my experience. I wish I had it saved somewhere because it was actually in one of their church pamphlets, the title being something like "My Experience of Lent as a non-Christian" or something. It was in more depth about my personal journey and rediscovering myself a bit on the way. My blankets were done then, learning new patterns and such. I wrote a bit more. I took myself to the doctor when I realized that the smoking was helping with more underlying issues in my life and that my stomach just hurt all the time, not just from stress and smoking. My teeth are still yellow but I can fix that now if I just stopped with the coffee for a while. I actually got less winded too when I stopped the occasional smoking I use to do. I also find some sort of peace with myself when I realized that I have the power to control things that I did not think I could.

The next year, I stopped energy drinks. I was spending three hundred dollars a month on those and it was not healthy for my body or my wallet. The year after that, I tried to give up caffeine, but the girls at work put the no on that because my happy butt became a grumpy pants and they bought the caffeine for me to drink. This year, I am giving up fast food and soda. I am saying fast food meaning like Taco Bell and Burger King, I will still be eating out at other places that have healthier options. What started as a request by some friends to gain a better understanding of one of their religious observances and to gain more respect for what they do became a yearly tradition that I have been doing for about four years now. Pretty soon I will run out of things to give up entirely for Lent that I can go without all year round, but maybe the people who started Lent understood what they were doing when they created this fast. Maybe they created it because they knew that if someone gave up something that they had all year round for forty days that they could learn to go completely without it or make it so the person could learn to have what they went without in moderation once Lent was over. Perhaps they did not know people would use it to beat addictions or use it to try and kick unhealthy habits as a sole purpose, but I know that eventually there are things people do give up that are without a doubt something you cannot live without like dairy products or drinks other than water.

However, I can honestly say, without a shred of doubt, that Lent will always have a special place in this dirt-worshipping tree-hugging hippie pagan heart and no one will ever take that away from me, not because it helps me get healthy. I love it for what is stands for and says to me personally through this entire experience, and that is why I do Lent.