What I think of Julie Baker: The Relentlessly Gay Widow

I have tried not to comment on the current situation with the “Relentlessly Gay” campaign. I was just going to leave it alone, and not say anything about how I feel about it. However, after the sketchiness of what happened over the past couple of days, I feel the need to speak out my opinions.

For those of you who do not know about the story, a “widow with four children” Julie Baker found a note taped to her door. It was basically telling her that her colorful lanterns on her front lawn were “gay” and that she needed to take them down because it was disturbing her “Christian” neighbors. Almost immediately, she posted the picture of her lanterns, plus the supposed anonymous note, to her own personal Gofundme page. She was asking for five thousand dollars to decorate her house and yard to make it “Relentlessly Gay” for her neighbors to gaze upon. Over the course of five days, she raised over 43k to decorate her house. With people volunteering to help her do it for free if she bought the materials, that 43k should go a long way into making her house and yard as “Relentlessly Gay” as she would like.

After a web domain claim, a t-shirt idea, and television appearances, five days of being an internet star, and she disappeared. Her Gofundme page was taken down, her website has a thank you message posted, and supposedly she is trying to “prove” that the typed letter is not a hoax.

A hoax.

Yes, l said it. The word that has been floating around about this woman since this whole thing started. Maybe it is how we are now, but on the internet it is no longer a “Pics or it didn’t happen” society. Even with pictures, it is difficult to believe that anything actually happened. People are pointing out the glaring similarities in the anonymous letter and her own typing skills. Others who know Julie Baker is in real life is have been coming out to say this is not the first time she has been online asking for money for something. The amount of money that she earned is being questioned. What is she going to do with it? Is she going to donate some of the proceeds to a LBGT organization? When is she going to start actually start making her house the “Relentlessly Gay” that she was hoping for?

Julie Baker made the statement:

I want to humbly thank everyone for their extreme generosity. Please now, take all of this good energy and help each other. I just learned moments ago that I could turn off the donations, and I am doing so because I there is plenty, more than plenty, above and beyond the goal.

On a sadder note, the world is filled with hate and fear, as such I want to work to remove any doubt about the authenticity of the letter. Until then I am not taking a dime out of this account.

Please carry on with flooding the world with rainbows and joy, be relentlessly generous, be relentlessly compassionate, be relentlessly vibrant and stay relentlessly gay.

With this statement, people are pretty much left in the dark about what will happen now. As of just a few moments ago, Snopes.com, my go-to source for something like this, doesn’t have an update beyond the police saying she refuses to produce the note that was left on her door. The other news sources are not reporting anything about her either. The web domain that she has created has not had an update about her in a couple of days. Maybe Mrs. Baker really is trying to focus on her life getting back to normal and trying to figure out how she is going to spend the money. Or perhaps she realized that she was caught in a lie and needs to lay low for a bit.

I am not really sure what to believe about her story. It could have happened, could have not. However, I am sure that I am upset about the fact that in five days she raised more money than people who need money for medical treatments for cancer, couples who need money to adopt children who desperately need a loving home, and people who want to have money to go back to school for a degree to better their lives without student loan debt. I watched the total climb higher and higher over the course of the five days, my rage climbed with it. I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt until the comments started popping up, and when the donations stalled she took her page down. I watched the total of her donations stall for a day before she took down her page. In my blind rage, I broke down the events of her story over the last few days, and the fact that Mrs. Baker took down her donation page when the funds stopped pouring in makes her look extremely suspicious. Combine that with the accounts from people that know her and other glaring factors that have been popping up since, people are starting to make it very hard to believe that she actually had something like this happen to begin with in the first place.

I am begging you, please, don’t let Julie Baker’s story discourage you from donating to the worthy causes on Gofundme.com to help others better their lives. I am just asking the you look at stories like these before you donate money to the person and wonder if your money would serve a better purpose somewhere else. I know I will.

The Skull Shawl

As you can see, I was a busy girl. I was going through Ravelry when I found the pattern to make this shawl. I was super excited that I was able to get my lovely self to work on something this wonderful. It took me about 4 hours to make this shawl. I am planning on making this into a blanket for a friend of mine instead of a shawl. It should be entertaining to see if I can get it on etsy since I have been busy with life changes. Lately, I haven't really been into the whole craft thing because I have been stressing about paying for our move, but I am coming up with some different ideas. I might start a raffle for something if I can get some things made just to get started somewhere new.

Other than that, my newer job has my stress level at a low I haven't seen since I quit fast food. I am enjoying working night shift again since I usually sleep better during the day and twelve hour shifts are WONDERFUL! I have more days off and I can work on things more since I am trying to get through my yarn collection again. I might post more pictures of things I get done once I get my lovely house back in order after having a house full of people. There may even be another new project here soon!

Moving! I am MOVING!

I know it has been a while since I have written a blog entry, but I have been very busy with work and getting the house together. I really haven’t had time to get ANY of my crafts together or finish them either. I feel so guilty because I don’t have anything for you people to see that I have created.

That being said, some excited news on the front of all of our hard work. My husband got a new job! He recently graduated with his Bachelor’s in Network Security and Forensics, so this new job will bring him the ability to move up in the company so he can use his degree. The only problem is that we are going to have to move over three hours away from our location at the moment to the wonderful Metropolitan of Nashville! Yes Nashville TN! I am super excited about it. There are so many places I can visit and see in Nashville that it will make a wonderful new home for me and my possible children. We cannot afford to have them at the moment. Heck, we cannot even afford to movethere really but we are going to have to in order for him to get his life setup.

Once we are out there, I can start looking at houses. And once we have a house, he said we can discuss the possibility of trying to have children! That is a plus right?

Everyone Struggles with Money

Don't let the rich people fool you: everyone struggles with money. What to do with it, how to invest it, and if you don't have enough to pay bills and eat, what are you going to do when it comes time to go grocery shopping? The rich people want you to believe that you will only get ahead in life if you go to college like they did and get a fancy degree. The poor people who crawled their way out of debt and into a now comfortable lifestyle will tell you that you cannot get ahead unless you work hard and break your back. It is a never ending circle of advise about money that seems to just fight with each other. I, for one, am one of the people who see both sides of the fence.

There was this girl a few years back who came out on the news about how she could not pay off her debt for the degree she earned. My philosophy has always been never take out any student loans that equaled more than one year of your salary. This girl took out way more than she could afford. Then, she appealed to the media to make it known that the problem of student debt was growing to astronomical amounts. Of course, she threw in her website for donations here and there so she could get free publicity out of it and maybe some more money. I never donated because I had (still have) my debts to various places to pay off. I often asked myself why I didn't email her and ask why she didn't go to a community college first? Why did she choose a private tuition college for her degree? I know when I finally go back to school I will be attending a community college so I can pay it out of pocket for the first couple of years. There is NO EXCUSE for someone to have six figures in student loans for four years of college. My husband has upper five figures from more than four years. That is just ridiculous. Rich people say "You have to spend money to make money, so this is a worthy investment." Oh really? Someone who makes around 40 to 50 thousand a year taking out 200,000 dollars in loans? I think your math is a little wrong there.

My friend, let's call him Rob because I don't want him to kill me for telling people his story and naming him, was homeless. He walked the road every day because his parents kicked him out when he turned 18 and had no where to go in our small town. His family said they could not take him in, they could not afford to help him with anything, so he slept where he could since our small town did not have a homeless shelter at the time. Eventually, he saved up enough scrap to buy a cheap car he could at least LIVE out of while he finished school. He would still walk EVERY DAMN DAY and pick up all the scrap he could. The kids at school found out and started saving every can they could for him. Eventually he did get a job and could get an apartment, but he looked at me one day and said, "You know, I don't wish what I had to go through on anyone. I worked hard, and yes it taught me things, but it isn't right. Someone should not have to work that hard just to be able to survive a couple of months. How can people say that hard work will get you everything you want when I had to collect two thousand cans a day just to be able to eat? I can't go to school because I can't pay for it. I got this job because someone at school said something to the manager. The world isn't set up for people like me to really succeed unless they get lucky. Where is the justice in that?" He still cannot go to school because he is pretty much trying to figure out how since he is working on his rental housing business, but he still thinks that working hard is not the way to really succeed.

So what does it take to really make the money you need to live? I know my husband and I are pretty much trying to do our best till the house I bought before I was married gets sold, but what does it really take? I know that not taking out more than you can handle in loans is one of them, and not leaving work early when you need the money to live, but think about it. Can any of you come up with a really good way to truly make enough money so you don't have to constantly sit with the check book and a bottle of jack going "Where is the money going and coming from? Where is it all going?" I would like to hear it if you know anything.

The Jayne Cobb Hat Drama

A few days ago, there was a news story that blew up my Facebook wall. It basically had to do with the fact the Fox TV Network are going after the makers of the Cunningly Knit Cap that was featured in the show "Firefly" that has become a cult following the science-fiction community.

Now, as someone who recently started to make them for fun and a "flan" myself, I am pretty upset about this. I understand the wanting to make some money off something that you have some sort of ownership, but isn't this taking it a little bit too far? One of the little ladies in my community who sells the hats a cons wonders if she will be arrested and shut down if she sets up her booth this year. She creates some of the most amazing creations that are inspired by the TV shows we love, but she worries that this one little thing will jeopardize her career. Her Cease and Desist letter has not made an appearance in her mail box yet, but she, like many of the others who make such items, have edited her Etsy shop and even taken down some of her items.

I am actually more pissed off at the fact that FOX did not care about the TV show when they cancelled it. The hat was featured in an episode that did not even air on the network. They canceled the show and wrote it off. Now that items from the show are making money, they are basically just trying to squeeze people out. I mean, seriously do they not think about the fact people took the time to write the pattern, find the yarn, and spent the energy in doing these things? What is next, making it so you cannot sell handmade items because the companies who make the yarn own the rights to the yarn you bought to make the blanket/hat/pillow and they have the right to the profits from the sale of the item? Is it a copyright infringement if they use a different pattern and yarn from the one that you see on the TV? Who knows?

Creative Punishment

I am sure that everyone has seen stories like this all over the news in the past couple of years. It is kind of hard not to miss because we are in such a plugged-in world out there. The difference in this article and some of the others we have seen is that the parents are getting bad attention for what they are doing to their child. I actually applaud this type of punishment.

Think about how the world works now for the older children. Everyone has a social media site, so they pretty much can talk to anyone they want and exchange information over the net. I saw a ten year old with an iPhone of his own the other day. My mother told me that she sees children the school she works at bring out cameras and just snap pictures all the time now without teachers punishing them. Now, remember all of this when I tell you about what a teacher of tenth graders told me.

He walks into the classroom a few minutes before the class needs to really start, so he told the kids to talk quietly among themselves while he did a couple of things that needed to get taken care of and write some math problems on the board. While doing so, he heard this conversation between two of his students, and I am just calling him Teacher for the sake of privacy:

Student 1: So, what did your mom do?
Student 2: She ground me for two weeks man.
Student 1: Aw, well guess you can't come to my house then.
Student 2: Yea, I can't, but we can still play on Xbox tonight. Mom said that I just can't leave the house. (At this point, Teacher is shocked because he remembers back in the day being grounded meant much more than just not going anywhere,and continues to write as while the kid continues to speaks more about his "punishment") She also said I have to eat dinner with the family instead of in my room (Which I was pissed off about as someone who wants the kids to NEVER eat outside of the kitchen) and I cannot talk on the phone past eleven anymore.
Student 1: She taking your phone man?
Student 2: Nah, I can still text but she said I can't talk on it.

At this point, Teacher is confused. How is this kid being punished? he thought to himself. A third student comes in at this point and hands him a note from another teacher because he was held over late. Student 3 proceeds to go over to Student 2 and HIGH FIVES the kid while saying "Dude, heard you got two weeks for getting caught smoking! Awesome! Lemme know when you are allowed out so we can hang." Teacher then becomes more furious as ALL of the students in his classroom treat the child like it is a badge of honor to get grounded, congratulating him for being so awesome and that they should totally hang out later. It took every ounce of his willpower to not lecture the children on how punishment is suppose to work, because it is really not his place. However, he was very vocal with me later on it.

"Remember when we were kids and sent to our rooms? Even though we had a TV we knew to not turn that on or we would get our asses tore up," he ranted. I could almost see him there, shaking with anger and eyes full of rage just from the tone of voice on his phone. "This kid, basically cannot leave the house, but everything else he can do. And the other kids? They are just as bad. If they get grounded, they don't care. They think it is pretty awesome to be in trouble."

"It was going on when we were kids too dude," I said.

"Yea, but the difference is that if our parents found out about it, we would get it worse than what we got," he said, which is true because several people we knew had that happen. "I have a feeling that parents just don't care anymore. They just don't want to parent. I swear when my kid gets older this will not happen."

"Well just stick to your guns bud," I laughed, knowing when we both have teenagers we might change our tune, but later on I thought about it. These parents, the ones sticking their kids with having to be humiliated as punishment are actually pioneers in a familiar territory other parents have forgotten. Back when I was a kid, all the kids in the neighborhood knew you were being punished because your mother would tell them. If you were caught even talking to them out of the window of your house, even just waving at them, you would get a worse punishment. Now, if your friends find out that you are grounded, most of the time you are congratulated by your peers and made out like a hero. Not allowed to play the Xbox? Dude, sweet punishment. Mom took your phone? Nice bro! Dad said you aren't allowed on the computer? Good going! It is like children are trying to get a worse punishment than their peers to impress them.

People blame this on the break down of not being able to spank their kids, but it really isn't just that. With the technology that is available now, it actually is really difficult for a parent to successfully punish an older child. If you spank your child, they immediately fly to the social media sites and tell everyone that you beat them, which could get you a lovely visit from DHS if the right people read it. The kids know this, which means spanking is out. Sending your kid to bed without supper because they misbehaved means that the kids can go to school and tell the teacher that Mom and Dad didn't feed them last night, which also can get you an afternoon tea date with a social worker. When you decide that your child cannot leave their room for the night, they can just go to school and tell people their parents locked them up all night. It is almost terrifying to know that adults are more afraid of their children now because children know they can get parents arrested.

So, the simple solution to this problem is what the parents in that article are doing. You have to humiliate them. Not just take away everything that the kid likes to do, but truly humiliate them. Instead of just not letting them go to their friends on the weekend, make sure that all of his or her friends know that they are cleaning around the house if they call. Have the child do yard work and call the other parents to bring the kids by to PLAY on gaming systems while they are outside working or in their room being punished. Let all the kids know that if they talk to the child and the child answers, they will be taken home and the parents will punish them as well. Make the punishment for the child so humiliating and lasting that they will not want to do anything like what they did again.What you are doing is not breaking any laws, the kids cannot say anything to anyone because they know that everything was perfectly sound as a punishment. It does not sound fair, but you cannot play fair as a parent. No one wants to be that parent when they grow up, but you don't realize that the only way to really teach your children anything is to become something that you never thought you could be: your own parents.

The Possible Pregnancy Waiting Game

For those of you who have missed your periods, you know how the waiting game is played. Some of us play it differently than others, but it is still the waiting game none the less.

A portion of us miss one period and are like "Eh, it is just one. It happens to all of us." and then go on with their lives like normal. They don't worry about it, they don't think about it, and they don't even try to think they are pregnant, even if they are like clockwork.

Some of us, like me, are OCD about it. I mark my calender, I count my days, and I even map how heavy my flow is on the days I have my period. I am like a clock you could always count on my friend to show up on time with a grand old cramp filled day. My husband can even tell when I am about to start. So, when my period was over a week late, I became a little concerned.

Now, some of you are like "Oh one week isn't so bad." and honestly, I thought that too. It has happened once before, and quite frankly I would have brushed it off if I had not started to feel sick to my stomach about Thursday. It has continued most of the weekend, and I even took a pregnancy test. It was negative, and when I went to the doctor the urine test there also said negative. However, I asked him to do a blood test just to be on the safe side. None of the other normal symptoms are coming up, and it is still technically early since it is only thirteen days, but I cannot help but FEEL like I am pregnant. I mean, I am trying to not psych myself up because it would be wonderful, but the waiting game is not kind to me at all. I think it is making my stomach is worse. I will be happy either way, because even though my husband and I cannot afford to have a child at this point, it would be wonderful that we get to have one when we thought that we could not get one you know?

Here is to hoping they call me tomorrow, or the urine test my husband picked up from the drug store says positive in the morning. However, for those of you who have been pregnant out there, I want to ask a few questions:

Did you burp more than normal? I have been burping up like CRAZY and it has been relieving some of the queasy feelings in my stomach briefly.

Where there dull cramps? Some people say they have felt it, but I want more people to tell me that it is okay.

How soon was your back pain? I am heavier, so I am not sure about the whole back pain being from that or work just stressing it out

Did foods taste different? I ate a strawberry and it tasted so funny, like it had fermented.

I may just be paranoid, but I just wanted to make sure. Now, off to try and get my anxious self to relax before I fall asleep